All the feelings

Sunday was an emotional day. We woke up too early, after having the farewell party the night before. Yet we got up and got on with the cleaning. Glen went and bought chocolate croissants and coffee and we sat on the green rugs on our balcony eating them, talking about last night and the past two years and our lives ahead. I’m going to miss that view from the 40th floor.

We got on with the cleaning and it was a good team effort. The luggage was all sorted, the bathroom cleaned, the cupboards wipes as well. It all went a lot quicker than expected and didn’t involve any major arguments (surprisingly!). I wasn’t coping very well with the fact that we were leaving, not only the apartment, our new friends and Toronto, but also the life we’d built for ourselves. The emotional floodgates had opened and they weren’t looking to close any time soon.

To help remedy this, we went out for brunch with Pete, Royden and Julian to House-Maison on Church St. This restaurant had been open for nearly a year (if not longer) and I’d always wanted to try it so today I made the effort. We walked down the street, got a table, and ordered our food. It was pretty tasty. I had a duck confit hash which was incredibly rich. We talked a bit about the move but we also talked about normal things—the hot guys over the road, antiquing and motorbiking.

After brunch (which was really lunch, no matter what the Canadians say) we went home for a little while, chilled out at Julian’s, and then the three of us walked down to Yonge-Dundas Square to watch the new Pixar film, Inside Out, at the movies with Bec and Al. It was a slightly humid day and very bright so the walk down was warm but I enjoyed the normality of being in the city and soaking up the last of the smoggy atmosphere.

We met Bec and Al at the movies, took our seats, and then Bec asked where her glasses were. She’d asked me to bring them, and I’d gotten them out of their apartment…and left them at Julian’s. I raced off to get them and got back only a few minutes into the film, which was fine as Glen caught me up in about ten seconds.

This was not a good film to see on a day when I was already feeling pretty raw. The movie is about emotions, for god’s sake. It’s pretty emotional anyway, without the thoughts of our impending departure going through our heads. Despite this though, or perhaps because of the catharsis, I loved this movie and highly recommend going to see it.

After the film we caught the subway back up to home. It was to be our last subway ride. I recorded the announcement that is made when you get into the Bloor-Yonge station (which goes “Bloor-Yonge, Bloor-Yonge Station. This station connects with the Bloor-Danforth subway”). For some reason I just love the way the announcement sounds. I might use it as my ringtone.

We packed up a few more things at home (surprisingly there was some stuff still left) before heading out to dinner with Julian, Bec, Al, Pete and Royden for all-you-can-eat at Spring Rolls. We ate a tonne of food. We talked about normal things. We also talked about the horrors being committed by our government back home and about general politics.

Once we’d eaten way too much, we walked home and everyone came up to our apartment to go through the final few giveaways (there were a lot of toiletries that we’d forgotten to take down to the party, and Pete and Royden took our two green outdoor rugs from IKEA). We hung out on the balcony while the sun set. We jumped up and down on the balcony, freaking Glen out and tempting death. We then said more goodbyes and yet more again as we all tumbled into the elevator.

That is going to be one of the hardest things about leaving Canada, the fact that so many of our friends all live within one building. It’s totally unlike our living experience at home. It’s so wonderful and makes things easier but also makes bonding so much easier (and so much harder when we leave). Julian, Glen and I went to swap his brother’s car with his car and see the family’s new mansion. I was very quiet on the drive. Saying goodbyes, even when we’ll see them again, is so hard because it’s goodbye to this construction of life that we will never get again, even if we do move home.

I know life is full of goodbyes and that’s the nature of life, but it doesn’t make it all that easier. Especially when we’ve been having such a good time.

Once home, we went to Bec and Al’s and climbed into bed. They had already gone to sleep. I struggled to fall asleep, finally nodding off at 2pm, dreading Monday.

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